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I am Millie’s girl

September 12, 2014

Because this is one of the most important essays I’ve ever written. A version of this essay appears in Dismantle: An Anthology of Writing From the VONA/Voices Writing Workshop.

Vanessa Martir's Blog

I once punched a girl in the face for saying, “You’re dirty like your lesbian moms.” All because a boy she liked, liked me. I didn’t think about it, I just swung. Then I dared her to say it again. She didn’t. She knew better.

I was raised in a gay relationship in the 70s and 80s. Long before Heather has Two Mommies hit the mainstream in the 90s. And just a few years after the American Psychiatric Association took homosexuality off the list of mental disorders in 1973.

For years I was told that my family was living in sin. That my two mothers were immoral and disgusting and going to hell. That no one’s born gay.

Still, when I went to boarding school at 13, I didn’t tell anybody about my family. I convinced myself that I just didn’t want to deal with it. What would people say?…

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From → Memoir, Uncategorized

2 Comments
  1. I found your article on huffington post and loved it. the one about Millie… I Am Sorry FOR your Loss. I write and I pray that someday maybe my work will be on huffington post as well. I read your words and needed to read more. i got on your page and spent most of the night on it, absorbing every word. i love your honesty, your ability to say ‘fuck it’ and write what you need to write. i love your writing as well and sometimes feel like i’m bound by this invisible force. i find that when i write honestly, every gritty detail of my life exposed, all the ugly, all the angry, all the shameful experiences i get no feedback. people want to be inspired and i am not an inspiration and reading your words mean so much to me because i relate to your pain, to your struggles, i just understand you. You Are MY Inspiration. i am amazed how well you put your stories on paper, honest, painful and that’s what our lives are sometimes, those are stories, stories of happy and ugly, angry and grateful. I am 36 and have been fighting 2 cancers, stage 3 breast cancer and leukemia … I had two transplants, chemo, radiation, lost both breasts and can’t have reconstruction, all my organs are damaged. i don’t want pity. I just want to speak my truth. I hate judgement. i’ve been fighting since i was 32. i was diagnosed accidentally while feeling great, traveling, working, living. cancers gutted my life. i’m a single parent to a girl and God, how i relate to you stories of your girl growing up. I was also stuck between two cultures and came to US as an 11 year old scared, embarrassed to talk as kids would make fun of me. i can probably write forever. i just wanted to say, i’m blessed to have found you. you definitely hit chords within me that haven’t been hit for while, all my love. Veeka Kurinets

    • Hello Victoria. Thank you for reading & writing to share your story. I am sending you & your daughter infinite light & love & healing. I also hope that you get to share your stories with the world. They are necessary. Keep writing!

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